Shut Up and Smile
by Randy McFiggins
Summary: Pip was raped and after Damien appears because he figured Pip needed a friend. Pip realized he did but...you're not supposed to feel this way about friends, are you?


_Well, this is my first story on this account! I hope you all enjoy!_

_DISCLAIMER: I do not own South Park. It belongs to Matt Stone and Trey Parker _

_All I Need-Within Temptation_

_**I'm dying to catch my breath**_

_**Oh why don't I ever learn?**_

_**I've lost all my trust though I've surely tried**_

_**To Turn it around**_

_**Can you still see the heart of me?**_

My legs burnt, my vision was blurred, I couldn't form words. My feet hit the pavement with such force, yet I couldn't make myself run any faster. The jacket the hung on my shoulders was unzipped and close to falling off and I hadn't bothered to button or zip my pants. I threw open the door, let it close on its own, and stumbled into the upstairs bathroom. I quickly turned on the shower and jumped in, not bothering to take my clothes off. The hot water mixed with my tears and I scrubbed away at my body, trying desperately to clean myself. I peeled off my clothes, threw them on the floor, and scrubbed at my bare skin.

Scrub. Clean. Cleaner. Rinse. Scrub again. Rinse off. Am I clean yet? No. Scrub. Rinse. Repeat. Shampoo. Scrub. Rinse. Still not clean. Why is it taking so long? Sob. Sniff. Scrub. Rinse.

I soon gave up. It was useless. I would never be clean. I slid down until I was kneeling and I sobbed into my hands. I choked and sniffed and wished none of this ever happened.

I turned the shower off and stumbled out. Grabbing a towel, I wrapped myself in it and left the bathroom, leaving my clothes on the floor. My house didn't feel safe. Like someone was watching me. Who was watching me? It felt like there were eyes all over, all from the same person. Is _he_ watching me? Oh god, what if he is? I ran inside my closet and huddled up in a corner with my towel wrapped securely around me.

Sleep didn't come over me that night. Instead paranoia and insecurity, two completely new feelings to me, hit me every second they could.

I got the guts to leave my closet when the sun rose. I pulled on loose jeans and a blue T-shirt. The alarm clock read seven o'clock am. It was a good thing today was Saturday. My eyes started to water and I tried hard not to think of last night.

"Maybe a nice walk would help," My voice surprised me. It didn't sound normal. It sounded rough, and forced. Not light and happy.

I looked around for my hat, and my eyes widened when I couldn't find it. I must have left it at _his _house. Could I get it back? Probably not. I always wanted a new hat anyways.

Though I liked that hat…

I shook my head and began to walk out. I squinted my eyes and the sun hit my face. It was almost spring and although it was still basically winter the sun shone as if it was summer. It didn't bother me though, I like it when it's bright out.

I didn't know which way to start. Any which way was fine. As long as it wasn't to _his _house.

Stark's pond sounded the best. It was in the complete opposite direction.

The lake was almost thawed out. There were still a couple of frozen pieces floating around, but they weren't very stable. I sat down in the snow near the edge of the pond and brought my knees up to rest my chin on. The air brushed my face and I closed my eyes.

An image flashed on the back of my eyelids and my eyes snapped open. Tears started to flow harder and a frown took over my face. I buried my face in my knees, trying to cover up all my sobs. My hand covered my mouth and would I would occasionally wipe my eyes.

"Why?" I asked myself, "I never did anything wrong!"

I choked out and gasped for breath. I couldn't get the images out of my mind. My brain was stained with these horrid pictures.

Out of all of my pains, my heart hurt the most. I had no one to share my pains with. No friends or family to talk to. I had to depend on myself to get over this. Which means I had to live with this memory and go through getting over this all on my own. I could do this, right? I had gone through so many things, so how is this any different?

I choked out a sob. This is a lot different. This crosses the line of bullying. Yet even though I've never told any of the teachers about what the students have done to me…

…why do I feel the burning urge to tell? To tell everyone I know about what _he _did to me?

I gasped as I heard the crunching of snow. Was it _him?_ Has _he _came back for me? I curled up even tighter and blocked my face. I heard the crunching stop, but I could feel the presence of someone next to me.

"Go away, please!" I begged.

I felt them sit down next to me.

"I beg of you, don't come near me!" I couldn't hold back my sobs.

The person didn't say anything. If it was _him. _He'd be all over me right now. So who was it? I peeked out to see who it was, but my tears blurred my vision. I wiped my eyes and stared until I could make the person out.

He didn't look familiar. There was no boy in south park with a pair of almost red eyes and pale skin. A few people had black hair, but not like this. Nobody dressed in all black though, save for the Goth kids. But he wore black skinny jeans and a plain black shirt.

"Who…who are you?" I questioned.

"You don't remember me Pippers?" The man asked.

I shook my head, "You haven't come to kill me have you?"

He quirked an eyebrow, "Now why would I do that?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

He paused, a confused look etched on his face as he stared at me.

"You've changed a hell of a lot. Usually you would say something ridiculously happy or stupid, what happened to make you like this?"

I froze, "I- I'm not normally like this. I'm sorry, I'm just in a bad mood."

"A bad mood? Your sitting here crying you eyes out," The man pointed out.

"Would you please tell me who you are?"

"That would ruin the fun,"

I sniffed and buried my head in my knees again. I tried to hold in a sob, so it came out looking like a small spasm.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded.

"Bullshit,"

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Jesus Pip, you really don't recognize me? I guess people can change a lot in…nine years,"

My head flew up and I looked him up and down. Oh.

"Your voice has gotten deeper," I mentioned.

"And yours still has that annoying English accent," He said.

"I can't help it! I'm English!" I protested.

"So what's got you down?" He asked.

I gulped and averted my eyes, "Why do you care? You set me on fire and then left, Damien."

Damien sucked in a breath of air and slowly let it out.

"I have to go," I said, standing up.

I walked away before Damien could say anything.

I've taken two showers since I've gotten home, and I still felt dirty. As I was on my way to the third, and last shower of the day, the phone rang.

"This is Pip speaking," I answered.

"Hey Pippy, you left your hat. Want me to bring it over?"

I froze. My body didn't dare to move and my throat dried up.

"I could bring it now, if your in the mood that is,"

I could feel him smirk on the other side. I gulped and let out all I could to speak.

"Don't you dare call my house again!" I then hung up and ran into the shower, ready to try to scrub off all the filth

This shower wasn't as long as the others because the doorbell rang and I stopped to answer it. Quickly, I pulled on boxers and a T-shirt and walked to the door. I paused and looked through the eyes hole, incase it was _him_. I sighed when I saw it was Damien, but then was confused as to why he came to my house. And how he knew where it was.

"Yes?"

"Hey Pippers, busy?" Damien asked, an annoyed look on his face.

"Um, no…not necessarily…why?"

"Can I crash here tonight? There was a change of plans at my original place," Damien said.

"What was…?" I trailed off.

Damien sighed, "I was going to stay at Kenny's, but he brought a girl home tonight, now can I come in?"

"O-oh! Sure!" I stuttered and moved out of the way. Damien walked in and I saw he had a small bag over his shoulder.

We both sat on the couch and I flipped the TV on.

"I'll sleep on the couch," Damien said.

I nodded.

We went through an episode of some TV show on VH1 without talking. When another episode began, Damien started to talk.

"Why are you so hunched up? Are you trying to save space or something?"

I didn't notice it until Damien said something. I looked at myself and saw that my knees were brought my to my chest, my arms in between the two, and I was as far away from Damien as I could possibly get on the couch.

"No, I'm just…more comfortable this way," I lied.

The truth is, I didn't want anybody to be near me; to touch me. I felt as if they could feel the filth all over me and be disgusted with me. The touch of someone else was also something I couldn't deal with right now. The touch of clothing felt dirty. I wanted to puke, to puke out all the dirt that was inside me. I wanted to forget all the tings he did to me. How he tainted my mind and soul. I was impure, and dirty.

"If you're not going to tell me what happened it'll hurt even more," Damien suddenly said.

"How?" I asked.

"First of all, you can't deal with this on your own, second of all you're going to get kicked and, or, punched in the face if you don't tell me what happened," Damien growled.

I paused. Did he mean it? Not the later but the former. Would it hurt me more if I kept it inside? Maybe that was why I hurt more than others do when I'm called names, or beat up. They have someone to talk to. I don't.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I told you, Kenny brought a girl and-,"

"No, I mean why are you _here_ and not in hell?" I re-worded.

"Oh…," Damien sighed, "I needed a friend. I could tell you did too."

"You could tell, how?" I asked.

"I've been watching you every now and then. Checking to see how you're doing,"

"You couldn't come earlier?"

"You're not concerned about how stalker-ish that sounds?"

"If you check up on me, then how do you not know what happened?" I questioned.

"I told you," Damien groaned, "I only check up on you every now and then. I don't watch you every hour of every day."

I didn't say anything.

"So what happened?" Damien asked again.

Maybe this was the moment I wanted. The moment to tell someone what happened. I hoped to God my heart would feel lighter, or maybe my head would clear. Even just a little. Perhaps it wouldn't bother me as much and maybe something can be done about it. I think Damien was that person I had been waiting for to tell all my troubles to, and to hear his troubles. My stomach tied up in knots, I was so happy I could finally tell someone something, but what if I didn't feel any better? What if he didn't care, and I was stuck in an even worse situation. But that couldn't happen, right? I had to tell someone.

"I…I," I stuttered.

"Out with it," Damien pushed.

Closed my eyes tight and sucked in a breath of air.

"I was raped."

Damien didn't say anything. Didn't even breathe. He looked at me, eyes filled with some unknown emotion, and asked with a light, quite voice,

"By who?"

"Craig."

**Well there ya have it! Sorry if it's a bit rushed but I didn't want to drag things on. If there's a point to be made then lets get to the point, right? Also, don't worry about the sadness in this. It will soon fade, but shall still linger. Pip's a happy ball on sunshine and I'm not planning on changing that. **

**Also, don't count on me updating this super fast. I have anpther account with other stories, but once I finished those I'll update this as much as I can. I'll still try and get an update in every week or every other week, good?**

**Review please! If you like it that is ;P Also, shall be under romance/angst until it gets happier, haha. Once it gets un-gloomy it will be in romance/general, unless you all insist it stays in angst.**


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